The First Step towards Overcoming Shyness(continued)

previous page

The way to overcome this thinking is to replace it, exchange self-deprecating talk with confidence building scripts, and create cool composure in the place of uncertainty and nervousness. These don’t have to be mantras or life changing monologues. Simple, down to earth, focused goals.

Here are some examples:

    Self Defeating

  • I don’t know what to say
  • I don’t like meeting people
  • I’m boring
  • This is going to be a drag
  • Who would want to talk to me?
  • This is a complete waste of time
  • I’m going to say something stupid.
    • Confidence Building

  • I’m going to show interest in somebody
  • I’m going to meet some new friends
  • I have a lot of interests
  • This will be interesting, or worth a laugh
  • I’m going to start a conversation
  • Beats doing nothing. What do I have to lose?
  • But I’ll say it with style.
  • Obviously this list isn’t the cure-all, end-all to all your problems and some of these answers probably seem kind of goofy. Hell, just the formatting on that list should be enough to make you laugh. Take a closer look at the self-defeating thoughts, anything sound familiar? Of course it does. These are merely from the tip of my tongue, take five minutes and identify similar thoughts you’ve had in the past and write them down. They look pretty pathetic don’t they? It’s like a little kid who won’t get on the swing-set in the playground because he’s afraid he might be scared. For every thought you identify, think of a positive spin to replace it with. It can be as simple as answering I’m boring with I’m interesting. This is an important step towards overcoming shyness.

    Take it a step further and actually rehearse your positive answers. Read them over in the morning, recite them to yourself while you shower, exercise, drive to work or eat your dinner. They will become part of you very quickly, and start building a very positive self image in a matter of no time. Take it a step further and use your imagination to put you into upcoming situations, ones where you’ve experienced feelings of shyness before. Identify what has made you feel nervous in the past, and really examine where it comes from. Find the source. You’ll soon see that most of it comes from your previous lack of confidence. This new confidence will grow exponentially, when you find yourself in new situations where you may have felt nervous in the past you’ll feel it working for you. Be sure to swat away those negative niggling gnats of nothing before they land. If it’s a brand new fear, add it to your list and find an answer for next time.